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| I mean,.. Who writes this late without a SNACK!? |
I had a pretty busy day today. I woke up, went to work on some curriculum stuff (super nerdy fun,... right! I'm sure most don't share that sentiment :( lol). Walked out, saw the Fox 5 Channel outside giving a report. I thought to myself,...'more furloughs?'
It's nothing new. Somehow this time, I wasn't all gloomy. I have to give the Holy Spirit and God's grace credit for all of that! ...Nonetheless, peace is a really good state of being.
I decided to chuunk my veggie Garden and make a rose bed,.. so that took a couple of hours. I worked with my children on this project. It is so great to see them working hard. It's even better to see them working hard for "mommy." I must also add, that usually, getting rid of something that I have dedicated myself to (my veggie garden) is difficult.
This time, it wasn't.
I didn't get angry once today with my children (despite their little persistent self-asserting wills and a few cases of disobedience)...I showed them love.
I learned something so profound in these last 24 hours....it's called... (Drum roll).....GRACE!!!!
Yep, I have been in church my whole life, and just understood the tip of this thing called grace. So, what brought about this new understanding? I'm glad you asked! I am reading this book called "Grace Based Parenting." Needless to say, I'm just fresh out of chapter 1 and it has not only changed my parenting, but my life as well.
WARNING: I'm about to be super transparent... After reading about how to parent my children,.. I began to reflect on the way I was raised and could hardly believe how much the way that you were parented has a profound influence on the way you view God's grace. I mean, I have known the Lord for years,...but never had I begun to grasp his grace like this. As a child and a young adult I worked very diligently at gaining the approval of my mother...It never came. I wanted to be secure in her love for me. I wanted to know that she loved "Erika,..just because." I wanted to hope and I wanted her to hope that my gifts would one day flourish. I wanted her to see me as 'beautiful.' Unfortunately, I most often didn't get that. And if I did, it was only in fromt of a crowd of other admirers.
I want to be clear that I love my mother, and I think her parenting came from a cycle that started long before I was conceived. I do not resent her, I can actually see much of myself in her (thanks to God's grace). But I am sharing this because I realized that that's how I treat God. I set up these boundaries with Him and keep Him at arms length because I know He knows my every sinful thought, word, and deed... and deep down I still feel the need to work hard for His love. Oh how this legalistic pattern must grieve my heavenly father. He has loved me since before I existed on this earth. He loves me more than I can conceive.
Now, I'm still working,... not to earn His love, but because "To see the law by Christ fulfilled, to hear his pardoning voice, changes a slave into a child, and duty into choice!"
Love Ya DAD!!
signed: Your Little Girl
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